Bloom and Blossom

My dear Kate,

You are quickly approaching 8 months old, and you are doing so well.  I cry every time I think about it; every time I take the time to quiet myself and acknowledge how kind the Lord has been to you and to us.    I know that we have not been "lucky" but the recipients of a great kindness, an extreme mercy, an overflowing goodness.  Why do children get sick?  Why is there suffering in the world?  Why?  Why?  If God is so good and so full of love, then why?  WHY NOT?  We have claimed from the beginning of time that we know better, that we can make our own choices, that we are better off on our own, and God in his kindness has allowed humanity to experience the devastation that sin brings to show us that we belong to him, that this world without him is dying, and then he ultimately sent his son as the ransom for us.  Because of sin death will come for all of us, but in between our birth and death there are moments of pure bliss (we don't deserve those either!) and pure devastation. Tim Keller says, "Jesus suffered, not that we might not suffer, but that when we suffer, we can become like him." 

We have experienced both in the past 8 months, beginning with the bliss of your sweet birth.  It was the first time I have cried during a delivery, and I remember just mouthing "...thank you, thank you, thank you" to my Jesus when I heard you were a girl.  I was overcome with thankfulness.  My Savior knew even then that the devastation would come for us less than a month later, and he knew it would hurt.  He was not removed from that hurt; he didn't NOT care.  He cared so much.  I know that I know that he suffered and died for all sin, and death did not have any victory over him or us under the new covenant of his blood.  So, Cystic Fibrosis does not have victory over you whether you are healthy or not.  Our life is a vapor, Kate, and we will be home with God someday.  "Yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. Instead you ought to say, 'If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that.'”   James 4:14-15

I know your story has been so beautiful so far but we are still so close to the beginning.  Doubt sets in at times, and it catches me in the throat to think that your breathing may not always be so peaceful.  Your lungs may not always allow fresh air to pass in and out with such grace and calmness.  You may fight pseudomonas bacteria again, and I'm sure that you will.  But, but, but, look at you right now! 

Missing one from the crew.  You are loved, Kate.

I took you in last week to see our beloved pediatrician, and you are over 17 pounds, your lungs remain clear, your oxygen levels are perfect, and you are my most determined child so far.  In the last month you have started crawling, standing at furniture, and climbing stairs!  You also got your first little tooth on the bottom right, and that left one is ***this*** close to coming through.  You say "dadadadada..." through your days, and you love to talk in a loud voice!  :)  You are eating avocado, yams, pears, bananas, peaches, chicken, etc. with lots of coconut oil and other goodness mixed in.  Your appetite remains good, and people who ask about you marvel and say "You'd never know there was anything wrong."  Yes, and it is only a glory to my Jesus.  Let me always be so clear that I praise him no matter what.  In these days, though, I am especially thankful that my family is well, that we are at the end of the healthiest winter we've ever had, that even when your brothers or sister get sniffles or coughs, you have stayed well in 2012.  Thankful for you and about you, my beloved Kate Elisabeth.  You have bloomed into a beautiful baby girl who is gaining weight and growing well, and you're blossoming into a testimony of such goodness that only comes from above.  Always praise him, Kate, even when the storms come.  I love you, sweet girl.

March 6, 2012