You are six weeks old today! Already. Six weeks ago you had been born after an easy 5th c-section and I heard your first sweet cries at 8:14 a.m. You were born at exactly the same time as your brother, Matthew, and hearing that you were a girl made me cry with joy and thankfulness! Your Dad and I have never found out during pregnancy the gender of our sweet babies, so hearing those words filled us with great joy! We have so enjoyed getting to know you over the past 42 days. You are lovely, sweet, dainty, cuddly, content, and you love to snuggle.
We heard hard news about your health in intervals during these last weeks, and my heart carries a bit of a scar now that was not present before. I look at you so many times through the day and still can't believe that your perfect body isn't perfect; that your Dad and I somehow had everything to do with you having Cystic Fibrosis. I am forever grateful to the Lord for blessing us with a large family because I am sure we would not have five beautiful children if we had known our carrier status for CF eleven years ago. That is mercy from the Lord, my sweet Kate. You will always have the blessing of three amazing, strong, funny, loving brothers and a protective, nurturing, beautiful sister. Anyone would be lucky to have that!
These past weeks have put us in a situation where we are very vulnerable. We have been opened and exposed as we have dealt with this news. We have been allowed to be in a position where the Lord is allowing us to walk through something we never would have chosen. And, he has allowed those around us to rise up and pour His love and His blessings and His mercy upon us. I. Am. Overwhelmed. Your Dad and I have always been ones who prefer to love on and give to others. We love to surprise people by cleaning their homes when they're out of town, or do yard work in the same manner. It feels good to love on people when they least expect it! I'm not sure why it doesn't feel as good to let others do that for us, but I have struggled with that. You will always be the recipient of lots of love and care; you won't know any different, and I know the Lord will teach you so much through the mercy of Himself through others. I am still learning, daily, how prideful I am. I like to have it all together (or appear to); I prefer to be the strong one; I am happy to dole out encouragement and advice to others. But to be on the receiving end is uncomfortable. The Lord has been speaking to me about this and how much pride is involved in "having it all together." Who am I kidding, Kate? None of us have it all together, and I am fooling myself by thinking that without Him I can do anything. Oh, I can do stuff, but it looks all wrong and ugly! There is such humility in grace. There is such gentleness in friends who pour out scripture to us, who say they're praying and are, who love and bring coffee and pray with us and just walk alongside us. The beautiful picture it paints of Christ's love for us brings me to tears.
He is so faithful, Kate! I want to shout it from the mountaintops, but instead I will write it here for whoever needs to hear it. It's your story, Kate, but it's always going to be God's masterpiece being painted through your life. His love is so real. His mercy is overwhelming. His grace is humble. Right now I am drowning in his grace, and I know I'm right where I should be. There is nothing more sanctifying than seeing His extreme love, mercy, protection and grace through His word and through His people being real in our own lives. He is daily showing us Himself through every person who reaches out to us because of you, my sweet girl. Your little life is beautiful, Kate Elisabeth. I am so privileged to be a part of it.
Trust in Him at all times. Psalm 62:8
"God often has to bring us not only into the place of suffering, and the bed of sickness and pain, but also into the place where our righteousness breaks down and our character falls to pieces in order to humble us in the dust and show us the need of entire crucifixion to all our natural life. Then, at the feet of Jesus we are ready to receive Him, to abide in Him, depend upon Him alone and draw all our life and strength each moment from Him..." A.B. Simpson
Kelly, Your words are powerful and read like a Psalm from David's heart. I know that you and Shane are the exact people God has prepared to process this situation and show the power, love and trust of an almighty God to all those around you. You don't have to have it all together (no human does) because God is in control. Our prayers are with you.
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