The days are passing quickly in every way. You seem to have grown since we were at OHSU last Wednesday, and I can only hope at this moment that the pancreatic enzymes are doing beyond what we hope. We had some rough moments on Saturday in particular. You had diarrhea all day, and at one point your Dad was at a wedding, and you threw up another dose of enzymes, and I had a moment of panic. I went and sat on my bedroom floor to have a few moments of quiet to think. I read over the hospital paperwork to find any indication of whether these symptoms were normal and could only find info that applied to older patients. I decided not to call and to just wait out the evening, and by Sunday you seemed to be doing much better. The doctor had told us that it could take a couple days of these 8x a day enzymes before we would notice a difference in how you were digesting your food. Almost immediately we noticed that you were eating less which is a good thing. Prior to getting your prescriptions on Thursday night you were consuming large amounts of milk but not gaining weight equivalent to your intake. Now you are eating less but seem bigger. Other digestive indicators seem to have normalized, also, so we seem to be seeing good results.
Today I was trying to figure out long term insurance plans. It's overwhelming, Kate, to try to plan for your future without being consumed with worry. I know that I know that the Lord is with you, my sweet daughter, and I also know that he has always been faithful to us in every need. It is good to know such a loving Savior.
Kate, Psalm 91 has come up so many times in these last few weeks, and I was struck yesterday at church by the beautiful picture of how God is a strong tower: The name of the Lord is a strong tower; the righteous man runs into it and is safe. Proverbs 18:10. I don't know what you might picture down the road, but I picture a castle made of bricks. It's been standing forever and nothing shakes it. Our God is that tower, and we are running to his beautiful name and we are safe. I have read and re-read Psalm 91 in recent days. This is such a beautiful picture of his protection; strong and secure yet as gentle as a Mama bird with her babies:
1 Those who live in the shelter of the Most High
will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
2 This I declare about the Lord:
He alone is my refuge, my place of safety;
he is my God, and I trust him.
3 For he will rescue you from every trap
and protect you from deadly disease.
4 He will cover you with his feathers.
He will shelter you with his wings.
His faithful promises are your armor and protection.
5 Do not be afraid of the terrors of the night,
nor the arrow that flies in the day.
6 Do not dread the disease that stalks in darkness,
nor the disaster that strikes at midday.
will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
2 This I declare about the Lord:
He alone is my refuge, my place of safety;
he is my God, and I trust him.
3 For he will rescue you from every trap
and protect you from deadly disease.
4 He will cover you with his feathers.
He will shelter you with his wings.
His faithful promises are your armor and protection.
5 Do not be afraid of the terrors of the night,
nor the arrow that flies in the day.
6 Do not dread the disease that stalks in darkness,
nor the disaster that strikes at midday.
Psalm 91:1-6
He will cover you and shelter you. We know because of the reality of what you are facing that this does not mean that what is potentially coming will not come, that it will not be hard, and that you will be cured. What it does mean is that he will cover you; he will shelter you. He is always, always, always with you. You are and never will be alone. We do not dread the disease that stalks in darkness because his faithful promises are your armor and protection. For me there is such peace in knowing that no matter what happens, no matter how this story of you continues to unfold, no matter what we face, we are protected. These promises are for all God's people. He is just and right and he is God, and we are not. Please hear me when I say I would never have chosen this for you or for our family. Nope. Never. No way. But do I see God's hand in every bit of this first chapter of your life? Absolutely. I am daily amazed at his faithfulness through the encouragement of others. I can't help but let the tears come. God's plans don't allow for my input. He doesn't want it. He doesn't need it. He just asks that I continue to trust him to lead the way. I have to make that choice every day. You will too, Kate. For now, I will trust him for both of us. I will hold you, love you, kiss your sweet face. I will cry in the dark for the innocence I feel we've lost. I will love and honor your Daddy. I will love and lead your brothers and sister. I will trust. I will trust. And I will know that I am sheltered by the Almighty. There is no safer place, little love.
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