Bless

My dear daughter,

This past week was a flurry of activity including school, science class, a fun surprise to see Stomp for your big brother's 11th birthday, a fun, busy day on his actual birthday with friends and family, visits with friends, and plain old life in between. In the last week and a half all your brothers and sister have been tested for Cystic Fibrosis and all their results were negative!  It wasn't a surprise, but assuming they didn't have it was not something I could do given your circumstances. The remote possibility of CF lurking in their bodies caused me to wonder and worry. I do not take it for granted that they are free from this disease!

We had our first service at our new church plant here in town last Sunday.  It was wonderful to drive five minutes to church instead of forty!   Our good friends led worship and taught us a new song (to us) by Matt Redman called 10000 Reasons.  It resonated with me that day, and I found it online so I could learn it and listen to it this past week.  The words hit close to home as I have struggled with many emotions lately.  The lyrics:

Bless the Lord, O my soul
O my soul
Worship His holy name
Sing like never before
O my soul
I'll worship Your holy name

The sun comes up, it's a new day dawning
It's time to sing Your song again
Whatever may pass, and whatever lies before me
Let me be singing when the evening comes

You're rich in love, and You're slow to anger
Your name is great, and Your heart is kind
For all Your goodness I will keep on singing
Ten thousand reasons for my heart to find

And on that day when my strength is failing
The end draws near and my time has come
Still my soul will sing Your praise unending
Ten thousand years and then forevermore


My Kate, you are such a beautiful picture of God's complete love for us.  You are perfect.  You are an undeserved gift. You teach me so much everyday about patience, contentment, and persevering in all circumstances. Who knew a sweet baby could do that?  Kate, "...whatever may pass, and whatever lies before me let me be singing when the evening comes..."  Yes, yes, yes!  Let me be singing when the evening comes!  It has been the cry coming from my heart this past week. I am failing every day to show that I'm still "singing," but the desire is there.  Whatever has come before and whatever comes tomorrow, Lord help me still sing to you, help me to worship your holy name, help me to bless you, Lord!  Kate, life hurts.  A lot sometimes.  It hurts so much right now.  Not because of you, my sweet girl!  You and your siblings and your most amazing Daddy are so much joy to me.  Our little home, our little life, our little conversations, our big love for each other carry me through each day.  Sometimes things one is most certain of in life get stripped away, and sometimes it is just painful to the core of one's heart.

Lord, fill me to overflowing with your love so I can show your love to everyone I come in contact with because of my great joy in my circumstances OR despite my circumstances!  "Bless the Lord, O my soul!"  It's a command. It demands response. When there is hurt of any kind in our lives it doesn't come naturally to us to worship.  It doesn't always come easily to bless the Lord or anyone else.  I want to guard.  I want to shut off the part of my heart that just hurts so much right now.  There's a dichotomy between the rest of my life that is full of joy and normal frustrations and the other part that is deeply wounded.  Again, like everything else (!!!!) I have to make a choice. I have been failing to truly surrender this hurt and instead have let it fester.  I let myself get affected by anything I hear regarding the situation and then my stomach is weighted and sick again.  My thoughts wander unproductively. But, my dear Kate, such is life.  Whether it's finances, relationships, or marriages, sometimes we just have to acknowledge the hurt before the Lord and say to ourselves and to our souls that we will bless the Lord!  Why?  "For all your goodness, I will keep on singing, ten thousand reasons for my heart to find!"

Whatever may pass, and whatever lies before me
Let me be singing when the evening comes

And now, it is evening.  It is quiet.  The day has passed. You are sleeping peacefully on my chest with your sweet angel breath ebbing and flowing from the very lungs that are harboring a nasty bacteria.  I pray every time I give you the TOBI medication through your nebulizer (two times a day for almost an hour each time) that you will be healed of this Pseudomonas aeruginosa, and that you will always know your security and healing is in the One who made you.  Do you know how loved you are, sweet Kate Elisabeth?  You have no idea. So many people are praying for you, asking about you, checking in with us to see how you're doing! And, my amazing, loving Savior sings the same song over all of us of his great love!

The LORD your God in your midst,

The Mighty One, will save;

He will rejoice over you with gladness,

He will quiet you with His love,

He will rejoice over you with singing.

Zephaniah 3:17 NKJV

I encourage you, sweet daughter, to always worship his holy name, to see his goodness, to acknowledge his great name, and when the evening of your day or your life is upon you, that you will still be singing "...bless the Lord, O my soul, worship his holy name!"  Even when life hurts, Kate, as I know it will for you, I believe God will pour out the biggest blessings and his truth to you when you bless him with your faithfulness!  I love you, my precious girl.